Thursday, January 19, 2017

My Last Words to My Almost

I love you. There, I said it. I love you. I love you in every sense of the word. I loved you before. I loved you from that very first night. And I still love you up until now.

I love your wit. I love your humor. I love how you never fail to make me laugh and I love that I could do the same for you. I love your laugh and I love hearing it. I love listening to you talk about your passions. I love how passionate you are about the things you do. 

I am sorry. For those times that I have made you angry and uncomfortable, I am so sorry. I am sorry that this had to happen to us. I am sorry that we had to drift apart. For quite some time, I thought you were the one. I envisioned our future together, still doing what we are most passionate about. I imagined us traveling to places we both have never been. I envisioned us, hand in hand, reaching more summits together. I even saw myself leaving the city, my comfort zone, just to be with you. Yes, I understood that you were not ready for a commitment because you said so yourself. I respected that, yet I imagined that when the time comes that you would be ready, it would be with me. That I would be the one. And apparently, I was very much mistaken. And there is nothing I can do but to accept that and move on.

At this point, I want to thank you. Thank you for the adventures that you took me on. Thank you for listening to my stories, rants, and raves. Thank you for helping me realize my hopes and dreams. Thank you for the times that you made me smile and laugh. Thank you for those times that you were there for me when I felt like nobody else was. Thank you for being my support system. Thank you for believing in me when I was losing confidence in myself. Thank you for letting me into your world and for existing in mine.

I just want to tell you that I will be okay. Right now, I am trying to get my life together. I am at a most vulnerable point where I am letting go of all my comfort zones one by one: my job, the city, you. You have been there for me when I needed someone to talk to because you made me feel that I could tell you anything. At some point last year, I even felt as if my day would not be complete without talking to you. I miss talking to you, but I guess I have to get used to it. I am going through a difficult time with all the changes happening in my life and it sucks that I cannot tell you about it. But I will be okay. Maybe not that soon, but eventually I will be.

I hope that one day we will find ourselves back in each other's lives with all the bitterness gone, and just the sweet memories left. I know that at some point, we both made each other happy. You said yourself that you want to remain friends with me. Believe me when I say that I want the same thing, but not now. Definitely not now when I am still hurting and the wounds are still fresh. I need more time.

Yes, you have hurt me and caused me so much pain, and I am still mad at you, but this too shall pass. Know that I could never ever hate you, and I could never hold a grudge against you. And know that I wish you nothing but success in your endeavors and happiness in life.