Monday, May 1, 2017

No Longer a Stranger

Dear you, 

Two months ago, you were a complete stranger that I just saw walking around and lugging a surfboard. You smiled at me, and I smiled back. Two months ago, you were a total stranger whom I had no intention of seeing again. As far as I was concerned, we had a couple of drinks, talked for a few hours, and bid our goodbyes the next day. And I thought that was it.

Until we talked again. We didn't talk about what transpired the night we met but we did talk about a lot of other things. You were leaving and you gave me a promise that I had no intention of holding on to. It was all too good to be true. I mean, why will you make promises to me? You are smart and funny, and you are easy on the eyes. Why would you be interested in me? Why? Why will you choose me out of all the other girls, far prettier and more interesting than I am, who were all clamoring for your attention? Why? I could never fathom.

But as weeks passed, we continue to talk and I learn something new about you every single day. You let me into your life and told me stories I'm certain you have never told anyone, except those who are really close to you. You told me about the skeletons in your closet, and I was sorry that I couldn't tell you mine at the time. You let me into your life and you told me about your hopes and dreams, and your fears. I am thankful for that, but I can't open up to you the way you did to me. At least not now. You have to understand that I am still learning to trust people again. I am still in the process of learning how to rely on people again. Because in my existence, people have, time and again, let me down and ended up hurting me.

I am that box with the label that says "handle with care", and inside is twenty-something years of heavy baggage collected over time - over dozens of disappointments, of rejections, of being let-down, of betrayal, and of heartbreak. 

When I met you, I was just getting out of one of the darkest points in my life. It was a difficult time for me and somehow your presence made it easier. Our conversations gave me a reason to smile every single day. You made me laugh. Now, you are giving me something to look forward to. But as much as I would love to believe everything you say, I still cannot. I will when I see it. You have to understand where I am coming from. 

As early as now, I am telling you that this won't be easy. Nothing is ever easy in life. But if you are in it for the long haul, then thank you. If not, then no worries. People come and go, and that's a fact that I have already accepted. When we met, I expected never to see you or speak to you again after that night, yet here we are, riding on this huge wave called "life" on different time zones. The rule is that we meet, and then go back to being strangers again. You staying in my life is the exception. So if your promises turn out to be too good to be true, then it's okay. It's just the rule.

1 comment:

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